A Letter to my unborn child – Laide Olabode

Saw this post and thought to share. It’s rather lengthy but make sure you read it all the way to the end, you won’t regret it. Enjoy!!!

Hi dear I do hope u r fine wherever u r..I do hope u r a boy, no girl, no boy, no girl, no boy …okay okay a Girl. I do hope u turn out hot just like ur mum pls hold on dear, I need to distribute cough syrup to some pepople here..ehen hot like ur mummy but with some junk in d trunk sha. Pls don’t take last when they are distributing assets sha..ehen…before they’ll leave u with kpalasa.so ti gbo? Be there early okay? Oh oh oh and pls also when they are sharing feet better ask for small size so ti gbo? Cause If u know what ur mum is suffering because of this canoe wey dem call feet u’ll pity her. My beautiful unborn daughter… I almost don’t want u to be born into this cruel world of ritualists, NEPA, heart breakers, bad belle, natural disasters, liars, cheats, gossips, dissapointment, rejection, failure, hit and run men, stupidity. Don’t get me wrong I want you, I want you so bad… And yeah there’s a lot wrong with the world but there’s also a lot right with it. And anyways wouldn’t the world be a snooze fest if u just woke up and everything went ur way? But we could do without the ritual killings though. Don’t be scared dear, mummy is here. Now dear, here are several things mummy wants u to know and keep close to ur heart

1. Always iron when there is light. To put ur trust in Nepa is to set out to be dissapointed. Do not procastinate on that dear.

2.Do not talk too much, flee from people who can give a parrot a run for its money. Try not to engage in malicious gossip it doesn’t add anything to ur life. Try as much as possible to mind ur business and do away with iranu talk. Stay away from drama. Flee from it.

3. Eat healthy… Life’s hard enough. Harder when u are fat.

4. Rejection well will happen. Its not the end of the world. Doesn’t mean u are not good enough. Its just one of those things that happens to all of us…you will reject people too…

5. Educate urself. Be pretty but be smart too. Let ur conversations go way beyond what colour of powder u use.

6. Men are….. Hmmmn… Men are wonderful but also not wonderful at the same time. Take ur time before u decide to give urself to anyone. No dear I mean it. Take ur time. Get to know this person. Please don’t rush. Take ur time. Not promising all will go well…but see it this way if it does all good..if it doesn’t its one more experience to learn from.

7.Have fun. Good memorable fun with good friends. The kind that make u feel good about u and u make feel d same way. Go out, do stuff. Create memories. Don’t be in such a hurry to grow old.

8.Be street smart dear…. Be cute and posh but dear ur street smarts will take u a long long way #dontdull ask ur grandmummy I was always streetsmart…well not always but at one point it became a blessing.

9. Try and be kind/nice dear. There are no rewards whatsoever for bitchiness. Its not a good look, doesn’t make u look tough or feared it just makes u a bitch. Be nice but don’t take nonsense.

10. Ahh music. I do believe u will fall in love with that. It will help u deal with life’s fuckery (pardon my french) sometimes,oh yeah and laughter.. I cannot tell u what that has gotten me through. Stick to funny people. Whatever makes u laugh is ur friend.

11. Enjoy sex. Well when u are old enough to… So ti gbo? Pls do not let any man… Whether Brad Pitt clone or whoever is hot in ur time make u do what u don’t want to do. There’s nothing wrong with virginity too.So whatever u choose

12. Pls dear people will talk. They will say all sorts from what they know to what they don’t. Its hard but try not to let it bother u. They will say u did this, did that. U r this u are that. But when u think about it they r just humans… Just like u..they have no extraordinary power whatsoever dear so who died and made them judge. Nobody! They can’t kill u with their words. They are not God. What they think about u…really is their business not who u are.

13. Pls read novels ooo! So you won’t use english like ‘more better’ or ‘coal slur’ or ‘modeler’ pls pls pls …face ur studies oooo!

14. Be urself, try. Its not very hard…. Pls run from peer pressure..flee as much as u can. You will realize there’s nothing as spectacular as having a mind of ur own.

15. U r not perfect, u will have faults. Infact I imagine u will give me wahala sef. And I am already storing ur pankere for you, u cannot kill me because I didn’t kill my mother.I had many faults though..many! Made many mistakes.

16.You’ll make mistakes but learn from them.

17. The police is not ur friend but pls respect them.. Ka ma ri accidental discharge.

18.Have the kind of fun you won’t be ashamed of the next day. Seems kind of boring…but believe me taking risque pictures with ur friends can be fun but u don’t want ur naked picture on the internet d next day do u? Ehen! Ko ya ara e brain.

19. Live life like no one owes u anything. Do not wait for a man to take care of you. You have a head and he has one… U have hands. Get to work o jare!

20.Know God. Not church. Rev sister. Brother abraham or pastor maxmillan. Know God.

U’ll learn more as u grow, the trick is to try and stay level headed and have self-respect.These r just a few tips I thought I’d pass on to you dear. Mummy loves u. Oh yeah and one very important one.NEVER SHAVE OFF ALL YOUR EYEBROWS…never dear! If this is d only thing u heed to. NEVER!



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3 Responses to "A Letter to my unborn child – Laide Olabode"

  1. Abdul Rashid Ayinla says:

    You are scaring the poor girl!


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