This article was written by a Amara Blessing-Nwosu, a P.M.NEWS columnist, and this is her take on Nigerian women.
You are not married not because there is no man ready for marriage as a good number of men are looking for life partners. The major reason Nigerian men are now scared of marriage is waywardness. Men are now afraid because they don’t know who to trust and also not sure if that beautiful girl they are interested in still has her womb intact.
They are also afraid because of the high mountain ladies have suddenly placed themselves on as no woman wants to date a poor man any longer but are all interested in those with good cars and houses.
A man recently told me why he does not allow his girlfriends to come to his house. According to him, he doesn’t want a case where a girl enters his house only for her to refuse leaving because of the beauty of the house and cars she will see.
Isn’t it surprising how single ladies now out-dress married women with good jobs whose husbands are very rich? You are not married because the single men around you are wondering if they will be able to meet up with your ever-demanding lifestyle. Even when they know they can afford it, what makes them believe you won’t take a walk tomorrow if anything goes wrong?
Another reason is that with your good job and salary, they are even afraid to come near you as they wouldn’t want to be turned down.
I have a female colleague, a very pretty girl who lives in her own house and drives a posh car. She also has different businesses to show for it. Recently, I advised her to calm down a bit as friends I introduce her to who ordinarily would have gone for her, all run away after meeting her and come back to me with the same word, “Amara, this one go send me go village.”
Another reason you are going to grow old in your father’s house is this: You want a ready-made man instead of a growing man with vision. Are you aware that if you have not obtained favour from God, the man will decrease instead of increasing when you enter his house? Work on your character, the words that come from your mouth, your lifestyle, the way you carry yourself, the way you dress, the places you visit and then spend time trying to find favour before God because it’s only favour that can make your husband increase the moment you step into his life.
In fact, the moment a man proposes to you, there must be some positive movements in his finance if at all you have obtained favour.
It is never your duty to find a man. While he is working trying to raise money to sustain whoever he takes home to his mother, you should get yourself busy obtaining favour from God for you to be his source of blessing. A man knows when the wife is a source of blessing and that is the only time he cherishes you.
In the previous paragraph, I said the man should take you home to his mother. I don’t understand why you get married to a man who believes it’s just between the two of you. Read the Bible; they all took their wives home to their mothers. If a man cannot take you home to his people, something is wrong. Isn’t it surprising how many of us are married without knowing our husband’s village and his mother’s bedroom? Marriage, in the African culture, is not between the man and woman alone, the two families must be involved.
Hey, you have to stop moving from one prayer house to the other in search of miracles that are not coming even after you might have emptied your pocket. Go back to your room; deal with your character and bad nature that is filled with pride and disrespect for the elderly. Cut down on frivolities and that is not all, deal with your party and aso ebi spirit. You must also deal with that thing that gets you to aimlessly move from one end of the street to the other all in search of precious souls to destroy. Change that mentality that says you use what you have to get what you want; any man you get with your ass is as filthy, unreliable and irresponsible as you are.
Common girl, go deal with yourself first before you start blaming your step mother of being the one keeping you down. Stop blaming your neighbours and friends of standing on your way to progress. I just told you the bitter truth which your Alfa, Babalawo, pastor and Imam may never tell you. Stop wasting your time chasing shadows, go and deal with yourself first before complaining.
I know of a wonderful lady who sings so well that when she comes to lead in worship, miracles take place. People love her, but this lady is unmarried till date. It is not because men don’t go to her for marriage or because she is ugly; her number one obstacle is her character. They say there are many old single ladies in our churches; I think I know the problem and not that most of them wasted their lives in frivolities only to realise the last minute that they have to run into the church where they can get a brother to marry.
I am not trying to judge anyone’s past, but the issue is that even when they join those churches, their characters don’t change. It’s really appalling how some ladies talk to men simply because they are in the same church. Some of them fight everyone in their department in church while some live their lives begging from one member to the other.
What do have to say about ladies who fight for food during church meetings? Those guys would be foolish to see the stuff you are made of and still go ahead to take you home to mama.
I always tell ladies that if by the age of 30 no man had asked to know if you are for sale, there is something wrong somewhere; its either spiritual or attitudinal, but the truth is that it is always more attitudinal than spiritual.
You have been fasting and praying and going for all levels of deliverance but it seems nothing is working. What is your character like after all the prayers and religious devotions? It is sad when I see a single girl walk up to a married woman sitting with her husband and telling the woman to get up because she was there before her. You attend functions with extra bags to pack food and drinks and when it’s time to hit the dancing floor, you do that as if there is no tomorrow. What do you expect from life when you are the source of all quarrels in your neighbourhood, church and office?
This is the moment of truth and if at all you want to be delivered, your decision to deliver yourself is the first step to your breakthrough.